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Las Mejores Frases de Two and A Half Men!

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Charlie: Okay, ok...let's say you're a hunter! If a deer takes your gun, shoots itself, then straps itself to the roof of your car...you have to take it home and eat it!
Jake: What?!?
Charlie: I'm sorry... I can't make it any clearer!

Isabella: You know, people like you have been persecuting people like me for thousands of years.
Alan Harper: Hmm. Well, that's a bit hard to believe seeing as people like me have historically been victims and food.

Alan Harper: [handing the telephone to Charlie] Mom wants to ask you something.
Charlie: [taking the telephone, cheerfully says] Hi, Mom, *no*!
[hangs up]

Alan: Wait! Wait! How many women are we talking about here?
Charlie: I don’t know 9, 10…
Isabella: 13, the sacred number.
Charlie: And a personal best for me.
Alan: How do you have sex with 13 women at one time?
Charlie: Well apparently you’ve got to take some vows.

Jake: Can I go back to mom's tomorrow?
Alan: Why?
Jake: I want to hang out with my friends.
Alan: What, all of a sudden your father's not good enough for you?
Jake: It's not "all of a sudden."

Charlie: Hey, Jake, what's this? A phone message?
Jake: Yes, some lady called for you.
Charlie: Who? I can't read your writing.
Jake: [reading the paper] "You're a big selfish jerk."
Charlie: Okay, I know who this is. Amy. Probably Amy.
Jake: Yep, Amy. She wants you to call her back.
Charlie: Yeah, that'll happen...
Jake: Why not?
Charlie: Because I never said I'd call her back. Remember this, Jake: never make promises to women that you don't intend to keep. And you know how you do that?
Jake: Always keep my promises?
Charlie: That might work. A better way is never make promises.
Jake: What happens if Amy calls again?
Charlie: Okay, I'm glad you asked that. When the phone rings at Uncle Charlie's house, we don't just willy-nilly pick up the receiver and answer it. No. What we do is we check the caller ID and only pick up if we want to talk to that person.
Jake: Like Mom?
Charlie: That depends. Your mom, yes. My mom, no.
Jake: How come you don't want to talk to your mom?
Charlie: I'll tell you all about that when you're old enough to drink.
Jake: What if I want to talk to your mom?
Charlie: Okay, that kind of attitude is gonna break down the whole system.
2009.07.14 - 07:03 |
No veo Two and a Half Men (aunque creo que iban a hacer una edición local). Es recomendable?
2009.07.14 - 23:16 |
2009.07.14 - 23:29 |
pero mira la original!
lo vale!
2009.07.15 - 03:19 |

es de esas de las que no te haces fan.. pero si la estan dando.. te quedas mirando..
muy buena serie!


2009.08.04 - 06:37 |

`PAAAAAAAAAAA cuanta razon, igual nunca trate de verla mas de una semana seguida

2009.08.07 - 02:06 |

gracias MA :P

2009.08.07 - 03:04 |

Yo me reeeee hice fan...

2009.08.04 - 06:57 |

Somos 2 =D

2009.08.16 - 15:28 |

Charlie: A clueless woman is a happy woman.

Charlie: Fine, mask it! Give it a cape and let it fight crime, I don't give a damn!

Charlie: Hey, I get enough of that crap from my mother.

Charlie: Secret elixir, huh? Well, I'm usually more of a bourbon guy but when push comes to shove I don't know what the hell's in that either.

Charlie: The kid plays, and I have a date. Everybody wins.

Charlie: Well it doesn't matter if you win or lose; it's whether or not you beat the spread.

Charlie: Yeah, but who you are, couldn't get laid under water, with a tank full of oxygen.

2009.08.06 - 23:30 |

Charlie: A clueless woman is a happy woman.


2009.08.06 - 23:38 |

Evelyn: And I want an unadorned headstone that reads simply, "Evelyn Harper: Loving wife, devoted mother."
Charlie: That's good. Open with a joke.

Evelyn Harper: I'm not speaking to you.
Charlie: OK
Evelyn Harper: Do you want to know why?
Charlie: No, I trust your judgment.

Charlie [about Jake at Evelyn's]: Oh, come on, he's not in any real danger.
Alan: Not physically, but you know as well as I do that Mom has the ability to say things that... stick with you.
Charlie: Yeah. Forever and ever. My favorite was, "They must have mixed you up with another baby 'cause I could never have given birth to such a hateful child." Who writes that on an fifth grader's birthday card?

Alan: How do you sleep at night?
Charlie: Usually drunk and on top of somebody.

[Charlie has run into some financial trouble]
Charlie: I can't do this anymore. I quit.
Alan: You can't quit poverty, Charlie.

Alan: What's the matter with you?
Charlie: I just had lunch with my mother and my stalker... They spent the afternoon eating off each other's plates and discussing my fear of intimacy.
Alan: You do have that you know.

Alan: How do I look?
Charlie: [not looking] You look great. All men want to be you, all women want to be with you.
Alan: You're not even looking.
Charlie: [looks] I stand corrected. All men want to be with you...

Charlie: [after Jake spends a night at Evelyn's house] Do you realize that he [Jake] did in one night, what we could never do in our lifetime.
Alan: He broke her.
Charlie: He chewed her up and spit her out.
Alan: It was a beautiful thing.

female psychiatrist: Do you want to talk about your relashionship problems?
Charlie: No.
female psychiatrist: Your father?
Charlie: Dead.
female psychiatrist: Your mother?
Charlie: She killed him.
female psychiatrist: Do you want to tell me about that?
Charlie: I just did!

Alan: You'll go to mom's funeral, won't you Charlie?
Charlie: Of course! As the eldest son, it's my duty to pound the last stake into her heart.
Alan: That's typical, nothing for Alan to do.
Charlie: Alright, you can chop off her head and put it onto a stake for the villagers.
Alan: Thank you!

Charlie: [while shopping for perfume for the mother] We're looking for perfume for our mother's birthday.
Female worker in department store: Do you know what her favourite scent is?
Charlie: Yes, do you have Chanel #666?

Charlie [in pain on the floor]: New plan—I need someone who can give me drugs.
Berta: I'm not holding, but I can make a coupla calls.
Alan: Drugs just mask the problem.
Charlie: Fine. Mask it. Throw a cape on it, and let it fight crime. I just want it to go away.

Alan: Hold on Mom,
[puts a hand over the phone]
Alan: Charlie, Mom says if she is ever comatose, she wants you to decided to pull the plug or not.
Charlie: [doesn't even think about it] Pull.
Alan: Mom, Charlie's on board.

Evelyn [to Norman]: Did my son... polish your trophy wife?

Charlie [to Norman]: I am-- I am, I am so sorry. I had no idea that she was married. Believe me, I have a firm rule when it comes to sleeping with married women.
Berta: Yeah, if she's firm enough, he'll do her.
Charlie [to Berta]: I'm sorry, isn't there something around here you could be cleaning?
Berta: I'm guessing you could use a good scrubbing.

Judith [about Jake]: When I brought him home Sunday night and served him dinner, he tipped me with a $25 chip from Caesars Palace and told me I had a nice rack!
Alan: Uh, well, Judith... you do...

Jake [about spending night at grandma's]: What did I ever do to you?
Alan: It's not a punishment.
Jake: It's not a prize. I'm calling Mom.

Evelyn: Good Lord, are you picking your nose?!?
Jake: I had to. There was stuff in it.
Evelyn: And just where were you planning to put it?
Jake: I didn't really have a plan.

Alan: It is not a chick car! The-- the salesman showed me brochures with pictures of men driving it.
Charlie: Alan, if a monkey walked into the dealership, he'd have been shown pictures of monkeys driving it.
Alan: Monkeys can't drive a stick.

Jake: How come it's a secret that dad is on a date?
Charlie: Eh, it's not a secret, it's just never a good idea to tell a woman more than they need to know
Jake: How come?
Charlie: Because we love them and want to protect them. A clueless woman is a happy woman.

Evelyn [about the funeral]: I'm gonna need something black.
Charlie: Doesn't your soul qualify?

Evelyn [about her second husband]: I just can't believe he's gone.
Charlie: Isn't that why we're going to the funeral, to make sure?

Evelyn [to Charlie]: Laugh now, but when I die I'll come back to haunt you. [she leaves]

Charlie: Alan, let me give you a piece of advice. Alcohol impairs your ability to make good decisions. We don't want you to lose that ability... we want her to.

Charlie: When making love, the way to slow yourself down is to think of something completely non-sexual.
Alan: What do you think of?
Charlie: You.

Alan: If two thousand years of-- of human history has taught us anything, it is that there's karmic justice in the world, and that when people live the way you do, bad things have to happen to them to even things out.
Charlie: Well, I don't agree.
Alan: It's not up for debate! It's a... law, like gravity!
Charlie: Oh, I agree with gravity.
Alan: Oh, good. We wouldn't want you flying off the planet with nothing to hump but satellites.

Doctor: You're a doctor?
Alan: I'm a chiropractor.
Doctor: Then... no.

Charlie: I'm sorry, I forgot. Why are you here in the middle of the week?
Jake: My mom had to take a vacation.
Charlie: From what?
Jake: Me.

Alan: Come on, Jake. It's time to get up for school.
Jake: I can't go to school, I'm sick.
Alan: What's wrong?
Jake: I think I have acid reflex disease.
Alan: Really? Acid reflex disease? Where does it hurt?
Jake: Um... my head?
Alan: Nice try.

2009.08.07 - 00:20 |

Alan: Charlie, when I moved in here, I said that is was vital that we create a wholesome atmosphere for Jake, and you said, "I understand".
Charlie: Alan, there's something you should know about me. When I say "I understand", it doesn't mean I agree. It doesn't mean I understand. It doesn't even mean I'm listening to you.

2009.09.12 - 04:03 |

JAJJAJAJAJJA Two and a half men es GENIAL!!!!


2009.09.14 - 16:53 |

Aguante la sobrina de Berta :P

2009.09.14 - 17:14 |
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Las Mejores Frases de Two and A Half Men!